My Foolish Heart

 Do you ever think – I was a fool.

To give someone a second chance.
To think they could change.
To believe it would be different.
To put my heart out there. Again.

How does that feel when you think that – that you were foolish?

For me, it was causing extreme pain. But it was doing this for a reason.

Because I was worried about what it looked like to everyone else. What will they think of me?

I should have seen it coming.
I shouldn’t have given the second chance.
I should have known.
I should have learned my lesson the first time.

But of course I know when I worry about what others think of me, it is really what I believe about my own choices.

And here is what I know now…

I shouldn’t have seen it coming. I didn’t want to, I chose not to and that’s ok.
I should have given the second chance. The second time around taught me even more about who I want to be.
I shouldn’t have known. There is no way to know when we are not ready to know.
I shouldn’t have learned my lesson the first time because I am learning it right now.

I love my foolish heart. I suspect it will be foolish again.

I love that I don’t learn everything on the first go around. This is part of the journey.

I have been listening to a song by Krishna Das – it is so beautiful. Here are some of the words…

My foolish heart
Why do you weep?
You throw your self away again
Now you cry yourself to sleep
Cry yourself to sleep…

My foolish heart
When will you learn?
You are the eyes of the world
And there’s nowhere else to turn
Nowhere else to turn… 

I love this. I am learning. I am the eyes of my own world. 

And I am turning and looking inward.

Loving my foolish heart.

Over

and

over.

Do you love your foolish heart?

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