If I never…

Recently, I was having thoughts of self-mistrust and feelings of pressure.

Specifically I was having the thought: I can’t be trusted.

You might be asking, with what? And so was I.

What I came up with were thoughts like…I can’t be trusted:

to show my own emotions properly.
to be in a “normal” relationship with someone.
to be more productive at work.
to be better at being sick. (really? yes, really)

I noticed all the adjectives I was thinking that I “should” be with these thoughts:

proper, normal, more, better

Youch. No wonder I was feeling pressure.

And what the pressure did was create a situation where I was pretending and wasn’t accepting where I was at.

I can see where I am. Sometimes, I wanted to change where I am.  But I rarely do I take a moment to pause, and accept who I am. Right now.

To look at this caboodle of thoughts differently, I started to think about how I wanted to feel.

I wanted to feel trust. And acceptance.  And at the core of it, LOVE for myself.

Love for the person who currently…

stinks at exploring her emotions
who is still talking to her ex
who fiddles around at work sometimes and
who is a terribly whiny sick person

To help me re-frame my thinking, I came up with a fill in the blank statement…here it is:

I decide to love myself even if I never ______________________.

even if I never express my emotions like others.
even if I never stop talking to my ex.
even if I never stop yacking to my office mate at work.
even if I never stop pouting every time I get a cold.

Because guess what. This IS me.

And imagining that I never change, and really sitting with this idea, allows me to embrace who I am right now.

When you can trust and accept who you are right now
and stop pretending you should be any different (normal, better, more, or proper!)

and just give yourself a big hug….
­
Then you move forward for you and your love for where you are at.

Right here. Right now. No pretending. No hiding.

You move forward with freedom.

Wanna try loving yourself where you’re at? Fill in the blank. Close your eyes. Imagine. Love. Accept. And, repeat.

I decide to love myself even if I never ______________________.

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